I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
