I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
