She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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