Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
