I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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