I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize