saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
