let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
