I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
But theres a keg here and me gusta
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
