did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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