You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
