Where did you get a picture of my penis
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Why did my mother make you get naked?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
