I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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