OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
