I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
