the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
