I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
it's great music for shaving your balls
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
