i would punch a child for taco bell
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
