lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
