she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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