Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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