Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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