I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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