Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I understand Curling. That high.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
