Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
