the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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