nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
