In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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