I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i permit you to call me
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
