did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
