Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
