I wish I only lived at night.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize