haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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