What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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