The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize