the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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