He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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