Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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