Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
