Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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