I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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