so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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