I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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