when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
