The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
