she woke up with a sticky ear
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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