my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
