This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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