Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
