so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
how drunk are you?
Several
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize