We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
