When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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