Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
