the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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