Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
