you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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