mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
