3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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