Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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