4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize