Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
