I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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