when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We left the knife in your bed.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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