talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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