epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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