I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
