I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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