also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize