Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My dick has a subreddit
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
