So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize