i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
