I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
