i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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