life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
