what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
