areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
