Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
