I hate all girls vehemently.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
