I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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