Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
