Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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