dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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