The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
