I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
