i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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