you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
