why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize