porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
