He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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