So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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