Can i not drive my cunt home
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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