I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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