apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just want nice things and good sex
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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