I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
