New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize