I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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