Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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