Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
