so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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