I just cut my nipple shaving
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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