dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
