my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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